New people in BDSM

In this post I want to address some helpful tips for newcomers to the BDSM scene weather it be online or their local scene. I hope this post can help at least one person.

I’ll start with online since it was where I got started.

The first thing I want to say is don’t lose your common sense. All too often I see newbies come to the scene and jump into a relationship before getting to know  the person they’re with, then when something goes wrong they ask if it’s normal. My answer to that is  “Would you let this happen in a vanilla relationship?” if the answer is no then don’t go threw with it now.

Another thing is beware of mentors. If you want a mentor that’s on you however they won’t help mold you in to the perfect dom/sub/ whatever, the reason for that is no to relationships are the same. One’s idea of a perfect sub could be another person’s nightmare. Mentors work well if you have met them in reality and they’re showing you around the local scene. Mentors are bad when they’re some random “Dom” who needs you to send him risque pics or meet up with him for sexual favors.

Ask lots of questions, in my opinion there are never too many questions especially when you’re new and you’re getting to know someone for the first time. Questions are especially valuable if your partner has more experience, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help you and they’ll enjoy the fact that you’re eager to learn.

safety first, if you’re going to meet someone offline make sure it’s at a munch or a public place. Tell a friend or trusted person where you are going and when you’ll get there, have them call you so they know you made it there safely.

If your perspective partner is trying to isolate you from friends and family this is not a healthy relationship of any sort and my advice is to get out as soon as possible.

Try to join your local community so you can find like minded people offline who practice this stuff in everyday life.

Do lots of research and realize that like I said earlier no 2 relationships are alike. You can make this what you want it to be.

Most importantly of all have fun!

I hope this has made sense and I have covered all my bases, I’m sure if I think of something later on I’ll add it to the comments.

Thanks for reading,

Witty!

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